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August 9, 2007
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adult dating question – when is ok to get physical?

I went out on a first date w/a guy that I’m really physically attracted to. I met him through craigslist so I didn’t know him previously. We met for a cocktail at happy hour on a friday. We really seemed to click but I could tell that he was disappointed that I wouldn’t go w/him for a glass of wine at his home. I tried to minimize it by telling him that I wasn’t worried about him, I was worried about me – it was the truth, I’m really attracted to him! Since that time we’ve exchanged e-mails and he asked me what I wanted to do next. I suggested going to a wine bar – my treat – but I suspect that he’s really looking for something physical. We’re both in our late 30s. My practical side says wait, but my, well, you know, says go for it girl. But I’m worried that getting physical so early might doom the relationship. What do you think?

Do what’s comfortable for you. If he just wants to sleep with you, he’s a cad (or basically not what you’re looking for). If he isn’t patient yet in his 30s he’s bad news and won’t change. Give him one more chance and if he behaves badly cut him loose. Guys who want sex right away usually aren’t looking for anything long-term. On the other hand, guys sometimes test to see how fast the girl will sleep with him, so maybe that’s part of what he’s doing. Just see him 1-2x more, see how it goes, and if you don’t feel comfortable don’t see him anymore. Only get physical when you’re 100% ready.

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